A simpler, happier life means you have the space to follow the things that light up for you, and the time to spend with people you love. It means pursuing what’s meaningful to you. It’s setting up your days to be productive yet relaxed. It involves editing your calendar to reduce or eliminate the commitments that don’t get you excited. It means eliminating sources of drama and stress, wherever possible. And for me, it also means creating a home that’s an inviting haven, set up to make your everyday life easier and more joyful.
Start with your calendar
How you spend your days is how you spend your life, says the writer Annie Dillard. So you could start by glancing at your calendar. How are you filling your days right now? Maybe your calendar is overloaded and needs trimming back a bit, reducing your commitments and building your ability to say no to things. Or maybe you need to add more things that are fun to you, like lunches with friends or horseback riding or pottery lessons. Is there something you’ve considered doing, something that lights up for you, that might make you more excited about your days and weeks and months?
If you hate your job, or are in an unhappy marriage, experiencing financial difficulties or facing a health challenge, creating a simpler, happier life may not be a quick fix. But you can still start where you are, simplifying some of the complexity to reduce your stress levels and adding elements to your days that bring you joy.
If it’s not a hell yes, say no
Imagine someone has just asked you to meet for dinner, attend a meeting, or coach a team. You check your calendar, and you’re not booked. Is your default response to accept?
If you truly want a simpler, happier life, maybe try taking a beat before you respond. Ask yourself if it’s a hell yes for you. Is it something you’re excited to do? If not, it’s okay to say no. You might be giving someone else a chance at something that’s a hell yes for them. (For more on knowing a hell yes when you see one, you might like the Hell Yes book. Or maybe start with this page of this site.)
Try to sidestep drama
It’s difficult to have a simpler, happier life if you spend a lot of time with people who drain your energy or drag you into their drama. We all need to vent sometimes, but I don’t have a ton of patience with long-form venting.
Getting dragged into someone’s drama or whirlpool of negativity is different from helping out. When you help someone, whether it’s in a small or large way, there’s usually an emotional benefit to you. It feels great. If you can give with a light heart, whether of your time or energy or money, that’s a positive experience. It doesn’t even matter particularly if they respond with gratitude. The payoff is how you feel when you’re able to extend that generosity of spirt to another, whether family, friend or stranger.
Cultivate inner peace
You can live a centered, meaningful life, regardless of your circumstances. Victor Frankl’s slim volume, Man’s Search for Meaning, is a testimony to that. Written while he was in Nazi concentration camps in World War II, it’s a reflection on those prisoners who identified a purpose in their lives. Frankl suggests that the prisoners most likely to survive were those who felt a purpose that helped them envision their future.
Or take it from the Dalai Lama, who says, “Happy people build their inner world; unhappy people blame their outer world.” He also apparently said that the purpose of our lives is to be happy, in case you’re looking for permission to be happy.
Move towards your purpose
A simpler, happier life is a gift you give yourself. You can begin to create it wherever you are. Focus on your purpose, whatever you feel it to be.
If you don’t have a clear idea of what your purpose might be, be aware of opportunities or choices that you’re drawn to. Take a step towards that next thing that lights up for you, and then maybe another step will appear after that.
Make simple pleasures a priority
You can have a simpler, happier life on any budget, and in any circumstances. Think of the mental, emotional and physical treats that make you feel like you’re living well. Maybe it’s getting up early and having a cup of coffee while you watch the sky lighten and the birds show up at the feeder. Maybe it’s staying up late to finish a novel that you can’t put down. It might be stretching out on the couch to read the Sunday paper. It could be a hot bath with scented soap; a scoop of ice cream after dinner; a quick Facetime with someone you love; taking a nap with a dog curled up next to you; a walk in the woods; clean sheets; fresh flowers; a glass of wine. Be intentional about giving yourself as many simple pleasures as you can.
Have a simpler, happier home
That might mean getting rid of stuff, rather than buying more stuff. To me, a cluttered home is stressful. I recently spent a year decluttering our house, top spent a year uncluttering our house, top to bottom, and thoroughly enjoyed the process, actually. Not to mention the results.
How do you feel when you walk in the door? Ideally, you’d feel a sense of happiness and peace to be there. Think about where you enter. If you come in through the garage or a back door, are you stepping over junk and a recycling bin? Inside, are you surrounded by art and furniture you love, soft rugs, warm lighting?
To change your life, change your home
When I was in advertising, we had a client in the flooring industry. Women in their customer focus groups often mentioned home renovation projects that pre-dated or mirrored the timeline of some major change in their lives. When women were getting divorced, switching careers, becoming empty nesters or going back to school, they seemed to reflect the inner change of their identities with the outer change of their homes. One woman described taking a crowbar to a kitchen wall with great joy. For her, a new kitchen symbolized a simpler, happier life.
Which brings us back to the notion that it’s up to each of us. Only you know what makes up a simpler, happier life for you. And only you can create that life.
