I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the many benefits of aging, despite some occasional aches and pains and a few more wrinkles. True, there are things I could do when I was younger that I can’t any longer (like stay out late and pop right up the next morning), but there are just as many things that I’m better at now.
For instance, I’ve been a runner since I was 14, but I think I’m running faster now, in my 60s, than I ever have. Partly that’s because I used to go for distance and now my running is focused on sprints. And I’ve certainly put a lot of effort into maintaining my physical fitness as I’ve aged.
But mostly, I think I’m running with a lighter heart. I don’t make it into the big struggle or challenge that I might have when I was younger. It’s not that deep. I just lean into it and try to let it be easy.
I don’t think I’m alone in the discovery that aging has its benefits. But I think most of us are surprised that it’s true.
The gift of mastery
I’ve heard from many friends that there was a point in midlife or beyond when one’s chosen craft seemed to get easier. I remember a friend in ad sales saying it only took her 20 minutes to put together a sales proposal that would have taken her hours when she was younger. And of course, the sales process itself, from sourcing leads to building relationships to closing deals, came much more naturally after she’d built her successful career than at the beginning.
Another example is my husband Steve, a singer/songwriter who’s been playing in bands professionally since he was 15. He’s about to release his fifth album, and it’s been interesting to see how quickly he moved through the songwriting phase this time around. When I first met him 30-something years ago, he was still working on a few songs he’d started in high school or right out of college. Now he’ll go from start to finish writing a new song (or two) during one beach trip.
Faster and easier
I know that my own work comes much faster now as well. I’ve been writing for a living since I started as a newspaper reporter many moons ago. I don’t have to go through any big ramp up to get the words to flow now. I just sit down and start typing.
When I first started as a copywriter in an ad agency, I didn’t think I could be productive until I’d had my post-breakfast Diet Coke and Snickers bar, and then there was a whole lot of hemming and hawing and procrastinating with my art director partner before we got down to business and actually started creating the magazine ads and TV spots that were our job.
It took a long time, decades really, before writing came easily for me. Fiction is still difficult, but that’s something to work on in my next chapter. In the meantime, work deadlines don’t freak me out like they once did. One of my benefits of aging is that I know writing is something I can do easily and efficiently now.
Happiness curves upward
When I first read The Happiness Curve by Jonathan Rauch, my reaction was just short of buying dozens of copies and handing it out to everyone I know. It was mind blowing to me to read Rauch’s study of life satisfaction over decades, with a nearly universal U-shape (not unlike a smile). It was the first time I’d considered that one of the benefits of aging might be growing happier.
For most of Rauch’s participants, the 20s and 30s started out strong, if stressfully, before dipping in mid-life, usually somewhere between ages 45 and 55. People sometimes faced an actual midlife crisis, like a divorce or business failure, but just as often they experienced a vague sense of malaise or dissatisfaction. That sort of “is this all there is?” feeling.
Then, surprisingly, people reported steadily increasing happiness from their 50s through their 60s and 70s. The 80s still scored high on happiness, but the upward curve became less steep in that decade.
That’s not what we’ve been taught to expect from aging. Getting older is portrayed as an ongoing state of decline. Our culture is not alone in treating old age like an inevitable disease. We’re certainly not taught to expect life to get better and happiness greater as we get older
Less competition, more connection
One change in perspective that Rauch mentions in his book is that many people seem to relax the competitive nature that helped them succeed in their 20s and 30s. As they aged, they became less concerned with competing with others and more interested in connecting with them.
Close emotional connections — with spouses or significant others, with a few close friends, with one’s children or other relatives — became a higher priority. The spontaneous connections of day-to-day interactions with neighbors or acquaintances were viewed with greater appreciation and as evidence of being part of a community.
This is part of what I love about walking our dog Daisy, running into neighbors along the way and stopping for a brief chat. One benefit of aging for me is feeling that I have the luxury of time to stop and visit, rather than rushing home to cross the next thing off my list.
Less stress, more contentment
Rauch mentions in his book that stress seems to decrease after 50. I know that’s been true in my life, and I’ve seen many friends become a little more laid back than we might have been in our 30s and 40s. We seem to respond less dramatically to common stressors, and to enjoy a sense of commitment that might have eluded us when we were younger.
There’s also the benefit of aging that comes from getting through difficult things. Inevitably, people lose jobs, marriages, friends, pets. And life goes on. Because we have no choice, we learn to be resilient.
Paths not yet taken
I think this learned resilience is what makes so many people explore a completely new path in their 50s or 60s. You can start a new career or a new company, go back to school or move back to your hometown, set up housekeeping in a houseboat or pull up stakes to make your home in Belize. As we age, many of us feel more confident in following the things that light up for us. So do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Life is short, but there’s still plenty of time.
